Old Hollywood
PLEASE NOTE: This article is about the den of iniquity, for information about the Resurrected Town That Makes Movies About American Subjects, click here. , population: liberals! You have been warned!]] Hellywood is the cultural capital for all liberals. It is also known as The Belly of the Beast, as it is a hateful and dirty place no American should visit without protection (if you know what I mean). One day the San Andreas fault will crack it off like a brittle bone and cast this unwanted limb of the American body into the sea to be devoured by hungry Great White sharks. We should be so lucky. The Jews who live there make movies to turn everyone gay. No one knows why this is, but it's true; I read it somewhere on The Internets. In spite of Hollywood's reputation as a soulless den of sin and sodomy it has demonstrated a glimmer of good taste by awarding Stephen Colbert and his writing staff an Emmy! Location Unfortunately, Hollywood is in the United States of America, despite Stephen's petition efforts to relocate it to France. Fortunately, it is located in the state of Cauliflower, about as far away from the rest of America as continentally possible. It brags about being "south of" The People's Republic of San Francisco, the capitol of Cauliflower, just to make people sick. Hollywood also sits on the most fragile portion of Cauliflower and will most assuredly fall into the ocean during the next earthquake. Hollywood is full of neither holly nor wood. It is located in the middle of geographical and moral desert. The Many Ways Hollywood Hurts America # Makes gay movies. # Jews make lots of money running each and every production company, and studio no matter how big or small it is # Ben Affleck can hide there undetected. # Gave Cher an Oscar. CHER! # Gave Barry Manilow an Emmy, denying Our Glorious Stephen what was rightfully his in the first place. Why, God, why!!! Barry Mani-lowwwwww!!! # Howie Mandel # Hollywood gives Michael Moore the tender loving care and truckloads of food he needs each day to survive, to make more movies slamming The Greatest President Ever. How dare you, Hollywood! All that said.... if someone there would like to take a look at my script...It's kinda like Lethal Weapon meets Sleepless in Seattle with a bit of The Sixth Sense thrown in...I think the kids will love it...I'll just leave you this copy I happen to have on me... Why? No one knows why the Jews brought Hollywood over from that other place where they came from. But, scholars at Patrick Henry College, Bob Jones University and Liberty University are busily working to apply Republican Iraq Liberation solutions to the problem. Can I Watch A Hollywood Movie Without Turning Gay? No, no you can't. Every viewing of a Hollywood brings you that much closer to Gayville. Make sure any movie you watch has been cleansed by your Pastor/Republican Party Representative. Do All Commie Liberals Live On The Same Street in Hollywood? Yes, they do. Mexicans illegally cross the border for the sole purpose of selling maps of the homes of famous Communists. This hurts America, and makes The Baby Jesus™ cry. While the mere existence of Hollywood is bad for America™, at least they all live in the same place, making it easy to round them when Jeb Bush becomes President of the United States and shoots them into space. Arnold Schwarzenegger moved into the governor's mansion directly from this street immediately following the fellation approval of Karl Rove. Unfortunately, it was not enough to maximize box office gross of T3: Rise of the Machines. Hollywood Success Stories Most Hollywood actors (see Godless sodomites) are support the Democrats in their neverending quest to destroy the moral fabric of America. Some people are successful in Hollywood, however. By successful I mean that they make films that are neither gay, nor Godless. Yes, there a precious few Republicans in Hollywood fighting the good fight, doing their part to make sure America stays in Republican hands (that, or they vote for Ralph Nader, which amounts to the same thing). * Gary Sinise *Kirk Cameron *Arnold Schwarzenegger *Jesse Ventura *Ron Silver *Britney Spears *Ray Comfort *Ricky Schroeder *Stephen Baldwin *Sylvester Stallone *Bruce Willis *Dennis Miller * Kiefer Sutherland * Willy Aames * Kelsey Grammer * Heather Locklear * Kurt Russell * Bo Derek * Gavin Macleod * Bob Newhart * Shannen Doherty * Lorenzo Lamas * Kristin Chenowith * Kal Penn * Janine Turner * John Ratzenberger See Also *Actors *Taxachusetts *Godless Sodomites *Bradley Whitford *Michael Moore *Commies *Liberals * New Hollywood Films That Are Destroying America * "Schindler's List": Real Americans say no to gratuitous violence, sex, and nudity on “Schindler’s List”: Congressman Tom Coburn of Oklahoma calls it ~ "shameful and disgusting. Children shouldnt be subjected to this crap and the plot was just awful and unbelievable. Worst fiction ever!" External Tubes *Hollywood to spread the lies about communism *Scandal: Archie is a bigamist!! *Hollywood still gay *Amazon to take over Hollywood *Bad TV promotes more anti-american hate. Its all Hollywoods fault! *Hollywood still gay as ever *Hollwyood's biggest secret: They have Republicans!